he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
