hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
