Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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