I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
