uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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