two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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