It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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