sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
