i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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