She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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