I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
