What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
