You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
