There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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