Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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