The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
