we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
