i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
