dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
