shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
