No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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