Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
