The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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