Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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