K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
