You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
