Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
