Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
