Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
