I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This house was built for laser tag.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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