Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
