im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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