i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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