I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
