Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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