He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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