I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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