i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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