so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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