she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
