distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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