on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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