You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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