allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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