Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
