I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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