I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you win again, gameday.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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