Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
