I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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