i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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